18.5 Nakedness
Ellen
and Margaret both speak of their bodies being abused; without respect and recognition.
Instead of placing the responsibility on their abusers, they think that their
bodies are to blame. Something about their bodies seems to them to be wrong. In
my opinion, sexual abuse has changed their self-image, destroying it and
replaced a positive self-image with shame. Shame has to do with being seen; a
feeling of nakedness. Stempsey (2004) argues that when someone feels
body-shame, that this is particularly associated with nakedness. The Greek word
for genitals, aidoia, is derived from
the word for shame, aidòs. This is also
represented in the Norwegian word for the outer and inner lips of the vulva
(Latin: labia majora and labia minora) being called the “shame
lips” (skamleppene) and the Norwegian
word for the pelvic bone (Latin: os pubis)
as the “shame bone” (skamben). If one
is caught naked unexpectedly, a natural reaction for many will be to cover
oneself, especially what we call our “private parts”. In such situations many
are likely experience to a sensation of embarrassment or even shame. The story
of Adam and Eve (The Holy Bible, Genesis, chapter 3) also makes
this point; they disobey God’s commandment, and then “they knew that they were
naked”; “Adam and Eve hid themselves”, and Adam says that he was afraid
“because I was naked” (not because he had disobeyed). Guilt, one might say,
goes with doing something bad: shame with appearing in a bad light. Knut, who
was sexually abused in his youth by an aunt who lived next door, feels very
vulnerable when he is naked.
Knut: When I’m naked, when I feel that I’m naked, then I’m vulnerable. I have
rooms inside of me that are mine only, where I can be naked. I don’t want to be
open for everyone. Then I’d feel real naked. I have to have control
Shame is usually associated with
nakedness, being exposed, as with the story of Adam and Eve mentioned
above. In the same fashion we try to
hide our nakedness by covering our face with our hands. It is of course
irrational to believe that one will disappear by hiding in this way. But one at
least has the benefit of not seeing the eyes of others when hiding in this way.
Of course, similar
feelings occur in other situations that are unrelated to the nakedness of ones
genitals. Shame is, in my opinion, not just being “naked”, but by being seen as
naked by someone whose opinions matter to us. Most people are not ashamed of
criticism from an observer whose views we do not respect. For example; being
stopped by a stranger on the sidewalk and being told that your ugly, can be
experienced as much less brutal and shameful, than if ones loved one says the
same thing when having a romantic dinner together. Furthermore, actual
observation by others need not occur, in my opinion. Shame is an emotion
involving self-evaluation. One can feel shame when merely imagining acting in a
shameful manner in the presence of a person or persons whom one deems to be
important in relation to the situation. It is possible to feel shame being completely
alone. Shame is then, in my opinion, a self evaluation which incites the disapproval
of an audience deemed as significant others (betydningsfulle andre), whether the audience is present or not.
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