18.3 Body as subjective experience
The way Linda speaks above about
disconnecting herself from her body can in my opinion be viewed as a handling
strategy (appendix 20) she developed as a child. Margaret and Linda go further
with this description and argue that sexual abuse can be so painful that you
choose to disconnect from the body and leave it, which in my opinion is also a
handling strategy (appendix 20) for shame. You let go of your body, depart from
it, and see yourself from the outside. If shame is a part of the body, it seems
to be necessary for survival to let go of one’s body if one cannot grasp one’s
shame. It may seem to be the only way of coping with one’s shame.
Margaret: I
just can’t accept my body…I go in and out of my body…No it’s true. I go in and
out of my body. Some things are so strong that I’ve been outside of my body and
seen my body from above. ((Points behind her right shoulder))…The physical pain becomes too strong and
then you have to close up in order to survive. You lose your body and you leave
(.) because you just can’t stay in
your body during the abuse, what happens is just too horrible (.) You let go of your body and just let it be ((Points
with her right hand over her shoulder))
Linda: Yeah.
You divide your head from your body. I also moved outside my body during the
abuse…You depart from your body. You see yourself from the outside. Many people
have told about experiencing the same thing here, especially when they’re
playing with dolls here.
Margaret and Linda introduce here, in my opinion, an interesting
perspective of the relation between mind and body and give grounds to claim
that body is a subjective experience. Skårderud (1994) argues that we must
re-evaluate our view of the body and mind. Our culture fragments the body from
the soul, as the concept of psychosomatic illness illustrates. The concept
describes the body and soul as two different elements, a dualism, and when they
overlap in certain conditions, we label it psychosomatic. He argues that it is
imperative that we re-evaluate our view of what the body is and restore a perception
of the body as a subjective experience (Merleau-Ponty 1945/2006). When individuals
describe the experience of leaving their bodies, then this must be considered
to be a subjective experience and should be taken seriously. Kirkengen (1990)
argues that the body is the stage where life is expressed. Fuchs (2003) argues
that shame and guilt may be regarded as emotions which have incorporated the
gaze and the voice of the other, respectively. The self has suffered a rupture;
in shame or guilt we are rejected, separated from others, and left to
ourselves.
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