15.2 Self-Image
In relating to one’s self, one
creates one’s self-image: what we see when we see ourselves, and how we relate
to ourselves. I asked Ruth, who was sexually abused by her neighbour as a
child, if she saw a connection between shame and her relation to her self:
Kaare: Is there a relation between having a good self-image and not being
ashamed?
Ruth: I believe they are closely related.
Ruth seems to mean that there is a
close relation between self-image and shame. I went further with this question
to all nineteen participants and asked them, on a scale from 1 to 10 (table 9),
how they would rate their shame and self-image at the time of the interview.
All but four of them, all in the same focus group and worked at the Incest
Centre, answered the questions concerning shame. These four preferred to
discuss their shame rather than to rank it on a scale, but they believed that
their levels of shame were low at the moment. The results show, as Ruth says
above, that there seems to be a relation between a good self-image and not
feeling shame, at least for those who are employed at the centre. For the users
of the centre there seems to be a relation between having a low self-image and
feelings of shame. It should be noted that Nina has no personal experience with
sexual abuse and Olga has a daughter that has been sexually abused by her
father but has not experienced being sexually abused herself. Both of these two
women decided rather to discuss shame than to rate it on a scale, and rated
their self-image as relatively high (7). Helga is uncertain if she has been
sexually abused. She is a user of the Incest Centre to try to understand her
childhood better, and rates her shame as high (10) and self-image as low (2). Here
are the scores of the nineteen participants in the five focus group interviews.
Table 9: Relation between shame and self-image
on a scale from 1 (low) to 10 (high) for the participants in the five focus
group interviews
Name
|
Shame
|
Self-image
|
Status
|
Anne
|
10
|
2
|
User
|
Bodil
|
5
|
5
|
User
|
Camilla
|
10
|
2
|
User
|
Dagny
|
9
|
2
|
User
|
Ellen
|
10
|
1
|
User
|
Frida
|
10
|
0
|
User
|
Gunhild
|
10
|
4
|
User
|
Helga
|
10
|
2
|
User
|
Ivar
|
5
|
5
|
User
|
John
|
5
|
5
|
User
|
Knut
|
1
|
8
|
User
|
Linda
|
-
|
8
|
Employed
|
Margaret
|
-
|
7
|
Employed
|
Nina
|
-
|
7
|
Employed
|
Olga
|
-
|
7
|
Employed
|
Pia
|
4
|
8
|
Employed
|
Ruth
|
2
|
7
|
Employed
|
Sally
|
2
|
9
|
Employed
|
Trude
|
5
|
6
|
Employed
|
Table 9 above suggests as Ruth
alleged that there is a close relation between self-image and shame. Having
shame might indicate having a low self-image, and having a high self-image
might indicate having little shame. Linda, who has been sexually abused by her
father, several of her father’s friends, and her brother throughout her
childhood, explains that the difference between the users and those employed at
the centre when it comes to shame and self-image lies in the fact that the
latter have built up new experiences and have someone who believes in them:
Linda_1: You
have to go out and experience something and gain a better self-image and then
you dare to do other things. You need to have someone around who believes in
you. You have to feel that it’s you who holds the key.
It seems to
be important to have new positive experiences in order to change a bad
self-image to a good one. Linda also argues that the ongoing research in itself
helps all of the participants to improve their self-image because it makes them
feel more valuable.
Linda_1: You
give so much in return to the users here. It has to do with umm maybe something
that few of us really think about – it’s that when you do what you’re doing in
your research here, you increase the users’ self-images here because they feel
that they’re worth more.
It seems that being sexually abused
may have a negative effect on ones self-value, ones sense of self-worth. Making
victims of sexual abuse feel valuable seems to be important in order to create
a better self-image. Dagny, Ellen and Margaret reflect upon the possible
connection between self-image and self-confidence. Margaret answers above in table
9 that she rates her self-image as relatively high at the time of the
interview, but at the same time her self-image regarding her body is very low.
Margaret, Dagny and Ellen (who where in three different focus groups) argues
that self-image and self-confidence is not necessarily the same thing.
Margaret: You
can have self-confidence in relation to what you do. You do something because
you know who you are. But you can still have a terrible self-image… When it
comes to my body, then my self-image deteriorates… My self-confidence is what I
do while my self-image is who I am. That’s the way it is for me.
Dagny: It
has to do with self-confidence. I don’t have much self-confidence.
Ellen: Isn’t self-image related to self-confidence? That’s why it’s so low.
It’s because of all the shit I’ve had to take. You’re stepped on, and stepped
on, and stepped on, and turning that around is not easy.
If self-confidence is understood as having
confidence in oneself and ones own competence (Møller 2008), then is seems
possible to differ between who one is and what ones does as Margaret argues.
But for Ellen it seems that the distinction between the two is difficult when
both self-image and self-confidence are low because of degradation she has experienced
as a victim of sexual abuse.
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