16.3 Embarrassment
Six of the participants talked about
embarrassment 21 times in the interviews (appendix 4). Embarrassment seems to
have many features common with shame, such as blushing and looking down, but in
a more mild form than shame. This is explained by Ivar and Helga who seem to
mean that there is a connection between embarrassment and shame but not between
embarrassment and guilt.
Ivar: Shameful and embarrassing, yes ((Nods his head)) but not guilty ((Shakes his head)).
Helga: It’s really embarrassing. I’m
ashamed of being on rehabilitation and being on social security.
Keltner and Buswell (1996, 1997)
argue differently than Ivar and Helga and state that embarrassment is an
emotion distinct from both guilt and shame in that it involves experience and
nonverbal displays that are different from those of other emotions. Rather than
playing a role in morality, embarrassment may serve to placate others when one
has done something wrong – it is not as serious as shame or guilt – (Keltner
1995, 2003) or it may prevent loss of face and serve to assure obedience to
important social norms (Leary, Landel and Sandler 1996; Miller and Leary 1992).
It might be that there are different
forms for embarrassment. Dagny speaks of two such modes of expressing
embarrassment; first severe embarrassment where she signals her shame by hiding
behind her hands and secondly; blushing in a romantic situation. The intensity
of these two forms of embarrassment is very different. It seems that the intensity
of embarrassment can be gauged through a number of different bodily signs. Ruth
expires heavily out and looks away when blushing, and Helga holds her hands in
front of her face when she feels that she is blushing.
Dagny: I was so embarrassed about talking so much about myself, and she had
experienced things that were much worse… the hair on my arms stood straight up…
Two things cause me to blush. When I’m embarrassed ((Holds her right hand up in front of her face and
looks down)), but I can also blush
because someone really has a crush on me, I blush then, too, it’s romantic in a
way, sweet.
Ruth_1: ((Breathes heavily and looks away)) When she told me about it, I could feel that
I was blushing. I didn’t blush because of the situation, but because of the
abuser and what he had done. I was stunned.
Helga: ((Holds her hands in
front of her face)) Now I can feel my
face turning red… Now I’m hot again… My face must be blood-red.
Dagny shows how the more severe form
for embarrassment can be shown non-verbally by holding her hand in front of her
face and looking down. These might also be considered as markers for shame
(appendix 20). While the less severe form for embarrassment is shown by
blushing. Lewis (2000) argues, like Dagny, that there are two kinds of embarrassment;
he calls the first type embarrassment and says it is more severe than the
second kind, shyness. But both types differ from shame. He goes on to argue
that embarrassment and shyness are often confused. Shyness can be viewed as
sheepishness, bashfulness, uneasiness or psychological discomfort in social
situations. Shyness does not seem to rely on self-evaluation the way
embarrassment often does. Embarrassment seems to be less severe than shame.
People who are embarrassed do not assume the posture of an individual who wants
to hide, disappear or die. Their bodies reflect an ambivalent
approach-and-avoidance posture. Thus from a behavioral point of view, shame and
embarrassment appear to be different emotions.
In this section I have discussed
embarrassment and conclude that it seems to differ from shame in emotional
intensity. Embarrassment and shame seem to be related since both emotions
depend on self-evaluation. Shyness, often confused with embarrassment, does not
require the same degree of self-evaluation.
The participants in the interviews
mention different emotions a total of 166 times (appendix 4). Whether emotions
are repressed or disclosed seems to play an important role in the process of
healing shame. Shame seems to engulf the whole self; it includes all of one’s
emotions. Viewing one’s emotions as positive and expressing them in front of
others involves courage. It involves coming out of one’s hiding place and the
risk of rejection. Viewing one’s emotions as negative and repressing them seems
to have many negative consequences. I
will now take a closer look at self-harming as one of many handling strategies
for coping with shame. Repressed, negative emotions can create so much inner
pain that a number of people seek temporary relief through different types of
self-punishment.
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