4.1.4 The critique of ideal representations
Kierkegaard’s book Works of Love
(1847/1995) is primarily about a critique of
ideal representations which in my opinion is about the battle between the way
we view ourselves, and the way we view others – and that these ideal
representations must be deconstructed or destroyed so that we can humbly accept
our selves and the other as we are. Giddens (1991) argues that the difference between guilt and shame is
that guilt is about ones anxiety which appears when the boundaries for ones
conscience are crossed, while shame is about being unsuccessful in fulfilling
ones ideal representations. He states that when it comes to ones self-image, shame
is more important than guilt.
The arguments of Works of Love (Kierkegaard 1847/1995)
and Sickness unto Death (Kierkegaard
1849/1980) are in my opinion inter-related. Sickness
unto Death develops Kierkegaard’s concept of the self as a set of relations
and these relations are analysed further in Works
of Love. This analysis demonstrates that what a person does to others also
affects the self. It would be interesting to explore the edifying aspects given
in the Works of Love in relation to
the concept and phenomenon of shame, but conducting such an analysis in
addition to the analysis of despair in Sickness
unto Death would not be within the framework of this dissertation. But it
must be noted that I perceive Works of
Love as Kierkegaard’s perhaps most important edifying work and an
exploration of the importance of love in social work could draw many useful
reflections from Works of Love. Love
is also an important condition for Honneth (1996) in his theory of recognition
Even though Kierkegaard is critical
of ideal representations, he retains the idea of the normative goal of becoming
a self. The opening passage in Sickness
unto Death (Kierkegaard 1849/1980) is normative. A human being is spirit
and as spirit a self. Kierkegaard presents a clear definition of the normative
nature of this process in his analysis of despair; the goal of normative
development is to become one’s self. But this is also a definition of what it
means to be a human being.
Dagny speaks of how the trust one
feels in others gradually diminishes when you are abused as a child. I read
this passage as an example of the ideal representations one has of one’s self
and of others that are destroyed.
Dagny: You can’t say no because others have taken the possibility of saying no
away from you. You have to do what others say all the time. You push yourself
too far to please others. And then you sit there with a poor image of yourself,
because you never get anything in return. And if you meet a partner for
example, who abuses your trust, because you’re naïve and a very giving person,
and he exploits you, and if this happens two or three times in your life,
together with what happened when you were a child, then it starts to add up to
quite a lot. And that’s when shame gradually grows and grows, and soon you
don’t trust anyone anymore.
Dagny speaks of a shame which grows
and grows, a development which seems to result in the distrust in others. Helping
people in such a distrusting condition demand a lot from the helper, and I will
in the following give an interpretation of what Kierkegaard means is the secret
in the art of helping (Hjelpekunstens
hemmelighet). In my opinion, this illustrates that Kierkegaard not only
explores despair (which I relate to shame in this dissertation) but also shows
how it is possible to help others out of ones despair (as with shame). I
include this interpretation in this dissertation because so many of the
participants in interviews in the Incest Centre in Vestfold speak of starting
were the other is as crucial for helping others with shame.
Kaare T. Pettersen
Reference:
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