11.1 Test group
Before starting the interviews, I used
a test group of three university/college students (two men and one woman) who
volunteered to help me. Here I will call them Sam, Arne and Inger. All of the
three were in their twenties. Sam was married and had two children. Arne and
Inger were both single. We spoke together in one meeting for two hours. Recording
equipment was tested, seating arrangements and other practical details were
evaluated. Very quickly I realized how easy it was to fall into the traditional
interviewer role of the question-answer interview, instead of taking part in an
open conversation. It was also obvious that the three students found it
difficult to speak about shame and that guilt was somewhat easier to talk
about. One of the test group participants, Sam, said:
Sam: When I think about myself, I don’t believe that I feel shame. I have
never thought that I feel shame. I have more a feeling of guilt. I can not remember
that I have ever thought that now I’m feeling shame and that now I’m shameful.
For me shame is old-fashioned. But maybe I should feel shame? For me it’s more
a feeling of guilt.
Sam begins the conversation be
saying that shame is an old-fashion concept and he does not feel shame, instead
he talks of guilt. The conversation between the participants in the group seemed
to proceed in a way that enabled them to help each other find experiences of
shame and examples of how shame is embodied. Inger told a story about visiting
a municipal office with her mother as a child and about how she felt ashamed because
her mother was applying for social assistance. She says that she was ashamed of
her mother, but this can be interpreted as being ashamed of being seen there
together with her mother or feeling shame over being the daughter of her
mother. It might be that this situation has to do with an ideal conception she
has of her mother, as one who should not have to apply for economical
assistance. It might also be that her mother was also feeling embarrassment or
shame over the situation (waiting in line with others, having to explain her
situation to an executive officer, and so on) and that her feelings also
influenced her daughter who felt a part of the situation and therefore just
wanted to disappear. We did not elaborate over these possible interpretations.
What was important for her to say something about was how her body experienced
this situation. She explains that her shame felt like a lump in her stomach. She
can still feel this lump when she tells her story.
Inger: I feel for the most part lumps in
my stomach. I feel it like a lump in my
stomach ((Laughs)) it just lies there and oh…shame. It feels
heavy and then it sinks down.
Kaare: Can you still feel that the lump is there?
Or is it gone?
Inger: No. I can still feel it.
Kaare: When you tell the story now, can you still
feel it?
Inger: Yes.
Kaare: That long after?
Inger: Yes, but just not as intense.
When she describes the lump like this,
she is describing a shame that has become embodied. Her story was personal and
she had not told it to many before. She cried several times as she felt the
clump rise toward her throat. We had to take a small brake at that time so that
she could wash her face and let the lump fall to place again. It seemed obvious
that telling her story involved and awakened many emotions, requiring alertness
from me (as the mediator) in order to not go further with the interview so that
it became intimidating in any way. The demands on the mediator in focus group
interviews being qualified to observe emotions and reactions that evolve during
the interview and take necessary measures so that ethical boundaries are not
crossed and group members are not subjected to unnecessary pain is described by
Överlien, Aronsson and Hydén (2005) in their study of young women talking about
sexuality. They conclude that “focus group probably provided us with more
natural and less intrusive format than individual interviews” (2005: 342). Showing
ones feelings is natural when sensitive subjects are brought to the surface in
storytelling. Inger herself did make a big deal about crying, on the contrary
she felt that it felt good to let out some pressure, and that she felt better
afterwards. It seemed to be more difficult for Arne and Sam to see Inger cry,
then it was for Inger. These lead to an opportunity to talk about showing ones
emotions to others and what it means to cry.
Inger’s story and the following
discussion about emotions seemed to open a door for Arne, who now feels that he
wants to tell a story about shame from his childhood as well. The story he
tells is about emptying his bowels on the hillside while he was out playing.
This was not something shameful as such, but a pain in his side when his mother
came and took up the stools from the ground. This seems to have to do with being
seen, literally “with ones pants down”. Several times when he tells his story,
his voice becomes so low that is inaudible, indicating that this story is still
difficult to talk about.
Arne: Yes ((Difficult to hear because of his low voice)). I have a memory from when I was a child. I
was playing on a hilltop where we lived and had to go to the bathroom. So I
emptied my bowels on the hillside. My sister saw me do this, and ran home and
told my mother what I had done. Then I felt embarrassed and I also think about
it with shame.
Kaare: Was it shameful to empty your bowels on the hillside or that your
sister told your mother about it?
Arne: It was shameful when my mother came and
removed the stools from the
ground.
Kaare: Ok. It wasn’t shameful to go to the bathroom
on the hillside?
Arne: No, I don’t remember that as being shameful. ((His voice becomes
weak and vague.))
Kaare: Did she say anything?
Arne: No, not that I can remember. I just remember
that I had a bad feeling. ((Says something inaudible.)) When I look back, I can feel it
like something piercing me in the chest.
Kaare: Like a wound in the chest?
Arne: Yeah, and that’s something I don’t do
anymore.
Kaare: In the heart?
Arne: Here in the side. ((Points to his side under his left arm, in the
heart region.))
Arne describes his shame as a wound
in his side, in the heart region, as embodied shame. He does not know of any heart
problems or other physiological reasons for having this pain in his chest. This
is a pain he feels when he looks back. It seems plausible that Inger’s openness
towards showing her emotions, opened up for Arne’s emotions, and those emotions
have something to do with ones body. After listening to both Inger and Arne,
Sam has reconsidered his notion about not ever feeling shame and tells a story
about shame that he experienced not long ago. He talked negatively about
another person without knowing that the same person was standing not far away
and might have heard his opinions about him as a person. First when he realized
that the other person was close nearby, did he feel stupid and that he had
stooped low. He calls his reaction as shame.
Sam: Well, it was outside the school here. I was standing with some other students
and talking about another person who was not there. I had some opinions about
that person. It was almost slander. I was probably the one who was talking the
loudest. When I turned around, the person we had been talking about was
standing only a few feet away from me. Then I didn’t feel so very tall – I had
stooped pretty low.
Kaare: What did you feel?
Sam: I think I felt shame. Yeah, that’s what I
felt.
Kaare: How did that feel?
Sam: Well, how is it possible to be so stupid and talk like that? Yeah. But
I felt shame also simply about how I could be so evil-minded. How could I be so
evil-minded? I think I felt shame about that. Yeah. Whether it was the
situation or the atmosphere or the others around me who made me want to impress
them, which made this possible, I don’t know, but I felt ashamed. How was I capable
of being so evil-minded?
The conversation shows that Sam
begins by saying that he has never felt shame, only guilt. When he hears the
stories of the other group members, he re-evaluates his standpoint and changes
his mind. He realizes that he has had an experience where he had shown a part
of himself that he was ashamed of, and he describes this feeling as not
“feeling very tall”; of having stooped very low.
Here, the three informants in this
test group demonstrate an example of the value of talking together in a focus
group. They talked together about difficult experiences, and when one of them
opened up it became easier for the others to follow up. They describe three
different experiences, but their descriptions of shame show that shame has to
do with the whole person, and is not just about doing something wrong and
asking for forgiveness afterwards.
This test group taught me that
sensitive issues may arise during the interviews, demanding that I be alert and
be sure that the research method is not misused in any way. This is done by
letting the informant’s use the time they need to think and re-think about how
they present their stories and that I respect their right to answer as they
choose and to tell the stories they seem appropriate. I also learned that
emotions will most certainly be shown and that this is not necessarily
something negative, but that it requires that I monitor the discussion closely
and stop when emotions need to settle down or be concerned with. Since the
interviews are to be used for research and not for therapy, it became evident
that I have others as a back-up, qualified personnel who are able to take care
of group members during or after the focus group interview, if they need to
work further with memories or emotions that the story telling awaken.
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