When Life Becomes One’s Own Again
From Dissertation to Essay
Freedom is a word we readily associate with politics.
With freedom of expression.
Freedom of movement.
Freedom of choice.
But there is another form of freedom that is rarely discussed.
The freedom to live one’s own life.
Not because no one sets limits.
But because one once again experiences oneself as the person who is able to act.
This freedom may be lost long before external freedom disappears.
When Others Take Possession of Life
A serious violation is never only about what happens.
It is also about who is allowed to decide.
Someone else takes control of the body.
Of boundaries.
Of the situation.
What should have been mine is turned into something another person may dispose of.
Violations therefore leave behind more than pain.
They leave an experience of powerlessness.
Not necessarily because the person lacks strength.
But because, over time, they have learned that their own choices do not change what happens.
The Quiet Language of Powerlessness
Powerlessness rarely shouts.
It whispers.
It reveals itself when a person stops trying.
When questions remain unanswered.
When initiatives become fewer.
When life is gradually lived within increasingly narrow limits.
From the outside, this may look like passivity.
From within, it may feel like realism.
Why try when experience tells me that nothing will change?
In this way, powerlessness becomes more than a feeling.
It becomes a way of understanding the world.
Small Acts
Through the work on my doctoral dissertation, I became increasingly aware that the way out of powerlessness rarely begins with great decisions.
It often begins with small acts.
One person says no.
Another asks for a pause.
A third chooses where they wish to sit.
Such choices may seem insignificant.
Yet they contain something fundamental.
They say:
I can still influence something.
Freedom often returns through such modest movements.
The Professional Temptation
The person who wishes to help often wants to do a great deal.
Explain.
Advise.
Organise.
Find solutions.
All of this may be necessary.
But help may also take possession of the very life that is trying to become its own again.
We risk making good choices on behalf of the other person.
Not because we wish to dominate.
But because we wish to help.
A paradox then arises.
We attempt to strengthen the other person’s freedom by taking it over.
Returning the Choice
Throughout the work on my dissertation, it became increasingly clear that respect often reveals itself in a simple way.
By allowing the person to choose.
Not every choice.
Not always.
But those choices that can genuinely be their own.
Would you like to talk now?
Would you prefer to wait?
Where would you like to begin?
What matters most to you today?
Such questions may seem small.
Yet they shift something.
They remind the person that they are still an agent in their own life.
Freedom and Responsibility
Freedom does not mean that everything becomes easy.
On the contrary.
When a person once again discovers that they can choose, responsibility follows.
This may feel frightening.
For if I can choose, I can also choose wrongly.
Some people may therefore hold on to powerlessness longer than they truly wish.
Not because it is good.
But because it is familiar.
Freedom requires courage.
Not only because the world is uncertain.
But because life becomes mine again.
Between Past and Future
The past cannot be changed.
What happened, happened.
But the past does not have to possess the whole future.
This is not an invitation to forget.
It is an invitation to act.
A human being never becomes entirely free from their history.
But they may gradually become freer within it.
The distinction is decisive.
The Slow Restoration
Through the doctoral research, I encountered people who had lived for a long time with experiences they had not chosen.
Yet it was striking how often change began in ordinary life.
A new routine.
A new relationship.
A new way of setting boundaries.
A new language for what was old.
Life did not become new overnight.
But it slowly became more their own.
Freedom as Relationship
We often think that freedom means independence.
But perhaps the deepest freedom is something else.
It does not arise in solitude.
It grows in relationships where the person no longer needs to protect themselves from the other.
There, new choices may be tested.
There, new experiences may begin to grow.
There, the person may discover that freedom is not only about being alone.
It is also about being able to be oneself together with others.
Becoming the One Who Acts
Through the work on my doctoral dissertation, this remained as an insight that I perhaps understood fully only afterwards.
Professional social work is not only about relieving suffering.
It is about helping people once again step forward as acting subjects in their own lives.
Not as objects of help.
Not as bearers of a diagnosis.
Not as the sum of what they have been subjected to.
But as human beings who, step by step, may once again say:
This life is mine.
No helper can give freedom to another person.
But one human being may encounter another in a way that makes it possible to discover that the capacity to act was never entirely lost.
Perhaps this is the deepest meaning of help.
Not to live another person’s life.
But to remain present long enough for the other person once again to dare to live their own.
No helper can give freedom to another person.
But one human being may encounter another in a way that makes it possible
to discover that the capacity to act was never entirely lost.
This essay was written in a conversation with ChatGPT
This essay is part of the series “From Dissertation to Essay” and is based particularly on the doctoral dissertation’s existential-dialogical discussions of subjectivity, responsibility, scope for action, relationships, and the gradual reclaiming of autonomy after violations: Pettersen, K. T. (2009). An Exploration into the Concept and Phenomenon of Shame within the Context of Child Sexual Abuse: An Existential-Dialogical Perspective of Social Work within the Settings of a Norwegian Incest Centre. NTNU.
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