When Help Moves In

The bill is lying on the kitchen table. It has been opened, but not paid. There is a message from the bank on the phone, and the calendar shows the grandchild’s birthday next week. Food is running low in the fridge.

I imagine an older person who still wants to manage their own daily life but notices that some tasks require more effort than before. Reading the small print on the screen, finding a way through the menus, or remembering what has already been done can be difficult. The tasks pile up. Asking the family for help every time may not come easily either.

Then comes the offer of a personal assistant. It can keep track of finances, pay bills, remember birthdays, suggest gifts, and order groceries for delivery to the door. Payment is handled through a connected credit card.

A useful service, I think. But at what price?

The Help We May Need

The question arose when I heard about “Call My A.I. Agent,” an episode of The Daily published on October 6, 2026. In it, technology reporter Eli Tan describes his use of Muse, Meta’s new personal AI agent. According to the episode description, he gave it access to financial services, email, and his calendar, among other things, and tried it out on a range of everyday tasks. His experiences included both impressive results and failures.

My thoughts turned to elder care. Muse is a general service, and the episode description provides no basis for assessing it as a tool for care. But the possibilities it represents raise an obvious question: How might such assistants become part of the lives of people who need help with everyday tasks?

I am growing older myself. I know the value of receiving help and the importance of still being able to decide for myself. These two considerations need not stand in each other’s way. Good help can give me greater freedom.

For someone who struggles with digital services, it may be a relief not to have to start from scratch every time a bill needs paying. Groceries delivered to the door can make a difficult day easier. A birthday reminder can help someone maintain a relationship they wish to nurture.

We should take these benefits seriously. Self-determination also includes the freedom to choose help. We do not have to perform every task ourselves to live an independent life.

Yet much depends on how that help is provided.

The Keys to Everyday Life

I have learned to protect passwords, card codes, and access to my bank account. Now we encounter services that become more useful the more access we give them.

We need to be precise here. Giving a service limited permission is not the same as handing over a PIN. Meta states that Muse stores login credentials securely, that the agent itself cannot see passwords or payment details, and that it asks for approval before sensitive actions such as purchases or sending emails. Users are supposed to be able to limit or withdraw access. This is the company’s description of its safeguards.

But even a securely stored key opens a door.

An assistant that can act on my behalf receives authority over parts of my daily life. It may also learn what I buy, whom I contact, and which habits I follow. This information can improve the help it provides. It can also deepen my dependence on it.

The price is therefore more than the amount charged each month. It includes the access I grant, the decisions I delegate, and my ability to manage if the service changes or disappears.

Who Chooses the Gift?

My grandchild’s birthday is approaching. The assistant reminds me of the date and suggests a gift. It may have information about previous purchases and know how much I usually spend.

Yet the most important knowledge may lie elsewhere. My grandchild mentioned something during the last visit. We talked about a book, an outing, or something we could do together. Perhaps I want to give an old object with a story that only the two of us know.

With Gadamer, we can say that understanding emerges from a context. A suitable gift becomes suitable in the light of a relationship between people. The price and purchase history tell us something, but they do not tell the whole story.

The assistant can help me remember and find what I need. It must also give me time to work out what I want. A slowly formed answer must be allowed to emerge before the task is completed.

This applies to more than gifts. An older person may need time to read, hear, understand, or decide. Good help must make room for that time. Otherwise, a service intended to support self-determination may end up taking over the decision.

When Approval Is Not Enough

It is reassuring that a service asks before making a purchase. But what does approval mean if the user does not understand what they are approving?

A button labelled “Accept” can confirm an independent decision. It can also be pressed because the wording is difficult, because the question appears too often, or because the user trusts the assistant to know best.

Older people have different abilities and circumstances, and age alone tells us little about someone’s ability to manage such a service. At the same time, those abilities and circumstances can change. A person who understood the arrangement when access was granted may later struggle to understand or oversee its actions.

It is then insufficient to refer back to the original permission. Someone must be responsible for noticing that the help no longer works as intended. Who should keep an eye on this? How can they do so without giving the family or care services unnecessary access to someone’s private life?

These questions need concrete answers if such assistants are to be used in elder care. Responsibility cannot be placed on the person who needs help keeping track of things in the first place.

The Other People in My Life

Løgstrup’s account of trust gives this responsibility weight. When someone entrusts part of their life to us, we acquire a power that can be used to help or harm. The ethical demand arises within this dependence.

An AI agent does not possess a human capacity for care. Responsibility lies with the people and organisations that develop, offer, and introduce the service, and with those who oversee its use. Automating a task does not automate responsibility.

Other people’s lives are also present in my information. My inbox may contain a friend’s account of an illness or a family member’s confidence. My calendar may reveal more than appointments. When I grant access, it also affects people who never chose the assistant.

The personal service thus has consequences beyond the person who signs up for it. This, too, must be included when considering what the help costs.

When Everything Is Taken Care Of

I imagine the bills being paid, the groceries delivered, and the birthday gift sent. The overview shows that everything is in order.

It may be a good day.

But the overview does not necessarily tell us how the person is doing. Paid bills alone cannot tell anyone whether someone is lonely, anxious, or beginning to lose their bearings in everyday life. A service can keep the tasks running while the need for human help grows.

I therefore worry that its practical usefulness may also become a reason for fewer visits. The family no longer needs to bring groceries. No one needs to sit down at the kitchen table to go through the bills. What saves time may also remove opportunities to notice how the other person is doing.

It need not turn out this way. The time freed up can be used for a conversation, a walk, or a cup of coffee without tasks between us. But that requires a choice. Technology does not decide how we use the time it saves.

At the Kitchen Table

I return to the kitchen table. The bill is gone. The fridge has been stocked. A suggestion for the grandchild’s gift is waiting on the phone.

The older man reads it and leaves the suggestion there for a while. Then he says he would rather give the book they talked about last time. He wants to write a few words on the first page and hand it over himself.

Here, the assistant can help. It can find the book and place the order. The rest must be allowed to take the time it takes.

A useful service, but at what price? The answer depends on the access it requires, how it uses the authority we give it, and who takes responsibility when something goes wrong. It also depends on whether the help leaves more room for the person receiving it.

By all means, let the bill be paid. I still hope someone sits down at the table.